Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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