FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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