The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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