I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
