Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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