you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
