he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
