Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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