i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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