i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
