think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
