I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
