you have to choose: penises or morals?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
