Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
