had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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