he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just had sex on a roof
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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