Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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