Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
