Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
