This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know her cup size but not her name....
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