Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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