Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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