I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
