Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
