Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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