I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
