I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
