When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
