I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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