im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
