he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
