Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
