remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
