she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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