ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
