i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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