I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
