My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
