it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
