Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
