3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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