Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
