Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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