Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
