So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
