I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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