we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
