considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
