I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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