Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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